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Schnitzel, cutlets, tonkatsu, milanesa: thin, breaded pan-fried cuts of meat are fun to make. Serve with a sweet-creamy cucumber salad and buttery potatoes (TBH, a little bit of an afterthought!). Yes, this episode is a sonic nightmare, and we’re slipping behind schedule, but oh well, aren’t we all?

NOT-Shopping List

• Pork loin (or other boneless cut); chicken or turkey breast works too
• Flour
• Egg
• Bread crumbs (DIY, or panko)
• Cucumbers
• Red onions (or shallots, or even chives)
• Sour cream (or full cream, set with a little lemon juice)
• Sugar
• Vinegar
• Mustard
• Dill
• Lemon (optional)
• Potatoes
• Butter
• Oil for pan-frying

Pork Schnitzel

What’s not to like about little breaded slices of meat, pan-fried till crispy? They’re good hot, and also nice to have a few extra for sandwiches (Japanese-style on white bread with mayo, or go all out for a Puebla-style cemita). I use pork (I buy every year from Walnut Hill Farm in Vermont), but you can use any kind of meat, as long as it is relatively tender and you trim away any tough connective tissue. Chicken or turkey breasts work well.

The trick is to pound the meat thin, so it cooks through in just the time it takes for the breading to crisp and turn brown.

For bread crumbs, make your own by blitzing day-old bread in a blender or food processor until relatively fine — but ideally not powder-fine. (Premade fine bread crumbs like those from Progreso are OK, but not ideal texture, IMO.) Panko is quick and easy!

Serves 2-3 people
1 lb. pork fresh ham steak or loin
~1/2 cup flour
Salt and pepper
2 eggs
~1 cup panko or bread crumbs
~1/2 cup vegetable oil or lard for frying

If necessary, slice meat thinner — start with 1/3-1/2-inch thick pieces, if possible. Then pound the meat so it’s about 1/4 inch thick. A dedicated meat mallet is nice, but you can use, say, the bottom of wine bottle or the edge of a heavy ceramic plate. If using a plate, be careful not to mash deep ridges in the meat, and go back and forth on the meat in different directions. (If using chicken or turkey breasts, don’t slice — just pound.)

Set up an assembly line: 1) a plate with the flour, salt and pepper; 2) a wide shallow bowl with the egg — start with one; you may not need the second — beaten with a fork till the white and the yolk are well blended; and 3) the bread crumbs on a plate. Finally set up a rack (ideally) or another big plate to set the breaded cutlets on at the end.

Dip each slice of meat into flour, then egg, then crumbs. Try to use one hand the flour and crumbs, and the other hand for the egg, to keep your fingers from getting all gummed up.

Let the cutlets sit for 15-30 minutes to dry a bit and let the crumbs kind of glue on.

In a cast-iron or other heavy skillet, heat your oil — you want it about half an inch deep in the pan, or even a little less. Set up a plate with paper towels to put the cooked cutlets on — or a clean rack.

When a little bit of breading sizzles, start easing your cutlets into the oil. Fry for a few minutes on one side, until nice and brown, then flip. The whole process takes maybe six minutes. Keep the oil heat steady by adding a new cutlet each time you take one out, and when you’re near the end, with fewer cutlets, you’ll want to lower the heat on the burner a bit more to compensate.

Serve with another sprinkle of salt and a squeeze of lemon.

German-Style Cucumber Salad

This is roughly based on “Tamara’s mom’s cucumber salad,” from the cookbook I wrote with Tamara Reynolds (here), and it’s the standard combo with schnitzel. Generally good in the summer with all kinds of things.

Serves 2 people
2-3 Tbsp sour cream
1 Tbsp red wine or cider vinegar
1 tsp sugar
1/2 tsp mustard
Squeeze of lemon (optional)
Salt and pepper
2 thin-skinned Persian cucumbers
2-3 Tbsp sliced red onion
Big handful fresh dill (or a large pinch dried)

Make the dressing by combining the sour cream, vinegar, sugar, mustard and salt and pepper. (Lemon is optional, but is a bit fresher.) Adjust to taste — you want a little sweetness and a little heat.

Thinly slice the cucumbers in rounds and the onion in paper-thin half rings — just enough onion to give a little color to the salad. Then top with the dressing. Let sit for about 15 minutes, so the cucumbers start to soften. If they sit longer, you may need to adjust the flavors in the dressing again.

Boiled Potatoes with Butter

Peel (optionally) potatoes and boil them. Add butter and salt when they’re done. Optionally sprinkle some parsley on. Sure, you could do more — but no need, given the rest of this dinner.